I've always loved the Bare Naked Ladies' hit song, "If I Had a Million Dollars." And as I sang along with the light-hearted lyrics about tree forts and Kraft dinners, I wondered: What would I do with a million dollars? Would I be like the band and buy a house? Some art? A monkey?
Though the name suggests otherwise, the band is actually a group of fully clothed men. And most of their choices are vastly different from mine. The group is all about making a catchy hit single. I'm all about family first and foremost, then having fun.
Home: The band and I agree on this one. While my husband and I have a beautiful home in East De Pere, we wouldn't mind having a maintenance-free second home in the Fox Cities. My selection? A luxury waterfront condominium at Fox Landing in Appleton.
This 4,500-square-foot haven of relaxation has three bedrooms, three-and-a-half baths, and an excess of huge windows overlooking the scenic Fox River. "The reason Fox Landing is unique in this area is because of the setting," says Coldwell Banker agent Karen Baldwin of The Real Estate Group in Appleton. "There aren't that many riverfront settings. When you come home to that view after work, it's like walking into a different world."
It's got plenty of living space for us and the kids. It's also got a great room, formal dining room, bar and hot tub for entertaining guests. And guests will come a-calling once they check out the Yacht we have docked on the river (see "Toys and Gadgets" below).
Another fantastic feature of the condo, Baldwin says, is the maintenance-free living. "All the exterior hassles are taken care of," she says. "It's ideal place for someone with a high-stress life. And who doesn't have a high-stress life these days?" Plus you get all the serene views of the water and woodlands without a commute. "It's five minutes from everything," Baldwin says.
This small slice of heaven starts my spree at $450,000.
Amount remaining: $550,000
Vehicles: One word sums up my automobile obsession: Jaguar. Long before I could drive I wanted one of those sleek British beauties - preferably the 2006 XKR Jaguar convertible. Joe Loftus at Bergstrom Premier Motorcars says he'd sit down with me and discuss options first: I'd take the 4.2-liter supercharged V8 engine, power-assisted speed-sensitive steering, automatic climate control, message center and trip computer, 320-watt Alpine premier sound system, leather seating and Burl Walnut veneer trim. If I wanted a unique color package or if my particular combination of options was not available, Bergstrom could help me order my car from the factory in England. "Jaguar is very accommodating," Loftus says. My final product, though priced at $88,000, looks like a million bucks!
Now there is no point in owning a convertible if you don't drive around with the top down. And since that can get a bit windy for the kids in the backseat (how do you fit a car seat in there, anyway?) we'll also have to get a car that's a little more family friendly. How about a 2005 X-type Jaguar sport wagon? I love some of the great features that remind you that you are truly driving a luxury automobile - like the automatic climate control with a pollen air filter. Now it's no minivan, but it might turn some heads at the PTA meeting. The sport wagon at $37,000, combined with the price of its kid-free cousin, brings my vehicle total to $125,000. No more walking to the store for this family…
Amount remaining: $425,000
Jewelry: I got the ring (and the man) of my dreams when my husband proposed. And the sentimentality attached to my bridal set makes it more valuable to me than the largest stone in South Africa. But who couldn't use a little sparkle every now and again?
Enter Brian Rouse - our longtime jeweler and owner of the new Bay Area Diamond Co. in Green Bay. For starters, he set me up with an absolutely fabulous six-carat white gold tennis bracelet for $8,900. More bling than a diamond ring. Then he found a trillion-shaped 8.77-carat tanzanite slide accompanied by an additional carat of round diamonds for $12,800. Maybe I do need to think about upgrading my bridal set…
Total: $21,700
Amount remaining: $403,300
Fashion: The Bare Naked Ladies choose purchases of fake fur coats and green dresses. My tastes run a little differently; I'd hit Cache, my favorite Fox River Mall store, in a heartbeat. Their fun styles are sophisticated enough to wear anywhere I need to dress to impress.
I picked out a full fall wardrobe at Cache - including a $98 princess T-shirt, a $168 fur-collared cardigan, and a $398 double-faced rabbit fur jacket - and easily dropped $5,800. No, I probably don't need to spend $338 on a satin beaded lace dress or $158 on the jewelry belt loop jeans. But what the heck! Isn't this my fantasy spree?
Amount remaining: $397,500
Travel: Did I mention I'm all about family? Well my younger sister is getting married next year, and her fondest wish is a honeymoon in Africa. She spent a month studying there during college and would love to show her fiancé all the wonderful things she experienced on safari. Barb Dahl, manager of Fox World Travel in Appleton, recommends Abercrombie & Kent packages - I found an 11-day Kenyan safari for $11,450 per person, including first-class airfare. Since Tony and I will need to go along too, that's $45,800 for the four of us.
Also, my older sister - a teacher at an American school in the Middle East - only gets home to the States once or twice per year. And though she's lived abroad for four years, only my parents have gone to see her. At $2,000 per ticket, I could fly the whole family to Oman (there are 10 of us in America) for a much overdue visit and get two tickets for my sister to use whenever she wants for $24,000.
Travel total: $69,800
Amount remaining: $327,700
Culture: While the Bare Naked Ladies always put on a good concert, my husband and I would rather take 10 friends to a Fox Cities Performing Arts Center show. With the "Entrance 21" package, the 12 of us will be treated to our own private entrance, valet parking and hors d'oeuvres in our luxury lounge before settling into our box seats for the show. Cost: up to $3,500.
Now since Tony and I always think ourselves very cultured and refined after a glass of wine (or several), we'd also make a generous contribution to the California grape industry. Leroy Schneidewend, owner of Cellars Wine and Spirits in Neenah, says he would stock up on "some of the big Cabernets - those that would age well for 10 or 15 years." These beautiful bottles can cost up to $150 a pop. He also likes the Opus One - a red blend from California that costs $169 - and would also recommend Bordeaux wine from France, which can cost up to $300 per bottle.
"Of course you'll also need new Riedel glassware to enjoy your wine," Schneidewend says. And at up to $85 per glass, that stemware can add up quickly - especially since I'll need glasses for reds, whites and champagne. I'd better allow $3,000 for the Riedel glassware (available at the Fox River Mall's Wire Whisk, among other locations) and $11,700 for a bottle of wine each week of the year.
Total: $15,500
Amount remaining: $312,200
Toys: You remember, of course, our condo on the Fox River? Well what would a waterfront home be without a boat? We need one big enough to take friends and family members along … the 33-foot Larson 330 Cabrio ought to do the trick. This beautiful yacht could easily accommodate 12 for a party cruise and comes complete with a wet bar and refrigerator for cocktails in the cockpit. Harborside Yacht Center in Green Bay is selling this little beauty for $165,000.
Now for days when we don't feel like docking a big old yacht, we can scoot up and down the waterway on our 2005 Supercharged Sea-Doo GTX watercraft. Its 185-horsepower engine has enough giddy-up to pull a skier. Tony says we need two so we can race. Each costs $10,600, so the pair would cost $21,200. Sea-Doos are sold locally at Sport-o-Motive in Appleton.
Total: $186,200
Amount remaining: $126,000
Special services: When I lived on my own before I got married, I splurged on a weekly manicure for $20. If I had a million to spend, I'd splurge on a weekly spa treatment at Moda Salon on College Avenue. Their top-of-the line package, "The Full Monty," includes an hour-long massage, an hour-long facial, a spa manicure and pedicure, a skin conditioning treatment, a professional makeup application and light lunch for $250. Not one to be selfish, I'll take a friend along each week. At $500 per week for a year, the spa services will cost $26,000.
Amount remaining: $100,000
Investments: I did some online research at www.towersdata.com and found that if my 9-year-old stepson wants to attend the University of Wisconsin-Oshkosh (like I did) in nine years, the total bill will be around $62,000. Worse, if he wants to go to St. Norbert College like his dad, we are looking at a four-year bill of $187,500. And we haven't even started saving for our daughter Bella, who was born in August and won't start college until 2023, or any other kids we may have some day. Needless to say every penny of our $50,000 will go into a tuition fund.
Amount remaining: $50,000
Charity: The worthy cause closest to my heart is probably Habitat for Humanity. I feel passionately about everyone's right to a second chance - and who among us hasn't needed a helping hand at some point along life's road? Along that same vein, a new home and stable living environment is often just the boost that a family might need to get back on track. So I can easily say that my $50,000 would go to the Greater Fox Cities Area Habitat for Humanity.
My million is gone, in theory. But if I find a few extra bucks lying around at the end of the day, I might spring for a new Bare Naked Ladies CD. My old one is a bit worn from years of singing - and dreaming - along.
Laura Kaste is the managing editor at Gannett Wisconsin Custom Publishing. Her hobbies include shopping, spending money and looking for sales.
